The End Is Near

2007-05-12T19:38:00.000-07:00

It had been more than 2 years but I finally made it back to Deming, New Mexico - the locale of most of my family. I wish it was a happy trip. My grandmother became ill, and we made the 12 hour drive to be with her. Unfortunately, 2 days after we arrived, my grandmother passed at the age of 83. I took happiness that I was able to show her pictures of my son that she had only seen once when he was a baby and my daughter whom she never got to meet. In her weakened condition, her eyes lit up and her frail arms reached and she grasped the pictures - holding them in front of her so she could see. As weak as she was she could still do such things, also being able to wave at visitors, including me.

With her issues, the hospital could do no more for her and it was decided she would be sent home to my Aunt's house. Hearing this news, her eyes lit up once again and her demeanor changed, even managing a smile now and then. After monitoring her closely for 24 hours, it was decided to remove her oxygen and she was only supposed to last another 30 mins. 2 hours passed and she was still breathing on her own. Everyone was asked to wait outside of the room to allow her to rest. Sure enough, a short time later, she took her last breath.

Going back to Deming was quite an experience. While I was sad about my grandmother, I was also happy to visit with family - cousins who had their own children, other cousins who grew from knee height since the last time I saw them. I was happy to see Aunt's and Uncle's whom I never felt closer to. I went to my cousins Mariachi concert and watched her play violin. I was in the room when she played for my grandmother. I experienced alot of things and alot of emotions. Im grateful to my grandmother for everything she did for me and my family, and for allowing me to go back to Deming and experience the Family element I didnt know I was missing.

Rage Against the Machine reunites

2007-05-03T21:33:00.000-07:00

Somewhere, John - the best man at my wedding, and one of my best friends - is one happy camper. I remember when Rage broke up and 3 of the 4 members started jamming with Chris Cornell to form Audioslave. I was a big fan of the first album. I recall watching a surprise first performance by Audioslave on evil MTV which drew me in. John, though, wasn't too excited, "It's just not Rage.", he said when I asked him how he liked the album. And that was kind of a consensus for most of my friends who were into RATM.

I myself, wasnt as big a fan of RATM, although I did really like them. Im a
singer, so rap (a small majority) can be appreciated at a distance. I cant dedicate myself to it though because I'll eventually want to start singing. Zack De La Rocha, is phenomenal though. His lyrics are full of truth and smite and when he's performing you can feel the emotion in each word. Guitarist Tom Morello, drummer Brad Wilk and bassist Tim Commerford are all awesome in their own right as well, with Tom manipulating his guitar sounds so it sounds like anything but. The man also practiced in the old days with Adam Jones, the wonder from TOOL. I enjoy watching the band as a whole perform, their energy is unmatched. I saw a DVD of their "Battle
for Mexico City" show. They were playing in these sort of ruins in front of what seemed like an ocean of people - all jumping and screaming and singing along. I felt I was there instead of sitting on my friend's couch living green. Audioslave's first album of the same name was, in my eyes, a huge album. I thoroughly enjoyed the tracks and listened to it for quite some time - their follow ups were disappointing.

All in all, Im happy that a great band is back together to make great and inspiring music, and also that John can soak up their new material. I can almost see him rapping along....

Boat drinks, mate.

Are you freaking kidding me?

2007-03-14T15:43:00.000-07:00

I am not a racist. I am not a bigot. I am an open-minded individual. I do not hate based on color, sex or sexual preference. I am 100% allergic to stupid people. I dont mean to offend anyone in this post. I just need to type this out so I can try to understand, although Im sure I wont.

I read this article today and couldn't believe what I was reading. Basically it says Persian's everywhere are pissed off with a fictional movie. The creator himself states its not entirely accurate and that he did most of it for the artsy side of making a film. But for some reason, probably because they havent stopped crying for 2 seconds to think, people are getting their panties in a bunch over nothing. ITS FUCKING FICTION PEOPLE!

Fiction: something feigned, invented, or imagined; a made-up story.

So grow up. If there's nothing else for you to complain about, then sit there in contentment.

Incog-cheapo

2007-03-04T10:52:00.000-08:00

OK, this got under my skin so I decided to post.

I bought my son War of the Monsters (2003) for the PS2 sometime last year. We've enjoyed playing, he more than I, and he's gotten to the point where he can beat it with any monster and has unlocked many a new monster and levels, etc. Each time you beat a level you get about 5 - 6,000 points, but the last level you receive 30 - 60,000 points which is good news considering the unlockable monsters are at 200,000 points.

The excitement my son gets when he unlocks a new monster or gets to buy a new monster costume is fun to watch. We've gotten to the point where there are no more items to unlock, except one costume for a character named Agamo - which is some sort of rock monster. When you select the "Special" item you receive a message that simply says "You can not unlock this item here!" So here we are getting as many points as possible, unlocking anything that can be unlocked, beating the game countless times with each character, still nothing.

Fed up, I look up this game on the 'net to find a hint of some sort on how to unlock the last monster costume. I find several sites and each say the same thing : "Agamo's fourth costume (Mecha-Sweet Tooth) Have a Twisted Metal Black save on your memory card where you have beaten the game with Sweet Tooth".
This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. I buy a game in 2006 that was made in 2003 and the only way to unlock the last character is to have beaten another unrelated (as far as genre) game from 2001 and have beaten it with a specific character. On top of that, having saved that crap on my already overloaded but brand new memory card. To state my opinion again, I have never heard of anything so dumb.

The game is fun and all for what it is, and the new monsters you get to unlock are pretty cool. But the premise behind linking two unrelated games together that way is rubbish. I was going to send an email (write a letter) to incognito, the makers, but it seems like I'd just recieve a "we're sorry you feel that way, but..." reply.
Also, going through the 'net and forums, no one else seems bothered by it. Probably because other players of the game had probably already had and beaten Twisted Metal Black so unlocking it was no problem. Now, I'm left with the choice of buying Twisted metal black and beating it with that specific character just so I can unlock the last item on War of the Monsters. Basically, falling into the makers' evil plan to make more money. But I guess its a small price to pay to see your 5 year old get excited to unlock that last monster. Fuck you anyway Incognito.

Where does the path lead?

2007-01-15T19:46:00.000-08:00

the motion keeps my heart running Hosted on Zooomr

If you haven't read the rest of my blog to this point you really have no idea who I am, unless you know me already (right xav?). Each submission, as zany and rant-ish as they might be, reflect my personal being. One thing, the main thing, is music.

From as long as I "can't" remember I've been singing. I started singing along to my dad's r&b records, then it all went to fuck all so I found rock. I had always listened to mainstream rock in bits and pieces but r&b was always on the fore front. Then r&b lived up to its moniker of "rap and bullcrap" when it became more about the beat and a catchy hook then actual feeling and emotion. No longer were r&b groups singing about love, now it became what could get played in a club. "Where's the bacardi at?(????)" It became more about rock hard abs and dancing then harmonies and accapella. I used to go to the mall and peruse the r&b section of the music stores for less-known groups, but now the line is blurred - all the emotion compromised for a club hit. Now I can't stand the new bullshit. I still appreciate the old songs but its not the same.

For the past few years I've been listening to "rock". Again, not the crap on the radio. I try to find quality music. I have also changed my outlook on the world completely. I admit the culprit was undoubtedly the X and Acid I took while at parties, my all time favorite moment in life ever. They really did open my mind up. Any who, The point of this rant is to wonder how far of a path I have to follow to realize my dream, my passion - music. I seem to get close but then it slips away. I know it is up to me to make it happen. I can't really on anyone anymore. I want to make music that people can get lost in. Who can smoke a bowl and lay down in a bed of speakers that are pumping out my songs. Progressive music is my dream, I must attain. To be continued....

I have returned.

2007-01-12T18:54:00.000-08:00

life feeds on life feeds on life... Hosted on Zooomr

Zooomr is giving bloggers free pro accounts for massive photo uploads, so I decided to revive my blog. From now on though, most if not all the pictures I post will be mine. I have another blog: mindseyeopen.blogspot.com which was for nothing but pics since I didnt have a pro account, plus I didnt want to all of a sudden start writing on that blog and break the flow.

So, in this "blogger revival" I would like to thank Zooomr for being cool enough to give away free pro accounts so that I can upload as many pics as possible.

And awaaay we go!!

Next...

2006-06-08T18:03:00.000-07:00

al-Zarqawi, Americas most wanted man - since we cant find Osama - was killed today in a bombing by U.S forces acting on a tip from an unwitting terrorist aide. Bush called zarqawi's death "a severe blow to al-Qaida, and it is a significant victory in the war on terror." Bush also said its not going to stop attacks, no shit.
My question is, going back to what was said when the "War on Terror" first started, since number one was killed doesnt that allow someone else to step up. Meaning someone else to spend countless hours and dollars on surveillance, while thousands die. Just like a sharks tooth, one falls off, another comes and another and another. Its never going to end. Bush would rather us pat ourselves on the back because after 3 years we finally got someone. We are going to pay for our leaders mistakes our whole lives, at least whats left.
This guy sums it up:
"This a great loss for all the Sunnis," 40-year-old Abid al-Duleimi said. "If they killed al-Zarqawi, more than one al-Zarqawi will replace him."

2006-05-07T10:16:00.000-07:00

Steve Colbert is hilarious. I used to watch him when he was on Strangers with Candy on Comedy Central and enjoyed him on the Daily Show and now with The Colbert Report. He acts so serious even when he's saying the most funny of funny. Recently he spoke at the White house Correspondents Dinner and practically turned it into a roast. You can read the transcript here. It is as interesting as it is long and if you're surfing the web you have the time to read it. Cos I mean the internet is like Walmart: sure you run in for some deodorant and eggs but you walk out with 7.50 DVD's and left over easter candy...damn forgot the eggs! Meaning: If you have time to get on the internet you have enough time to read the transcript.

Peace

TOOL - 10,000 Days released

2006-05-02T16:26:00.000-07:00

It came, it finally came. The album is awesome and the artwork is amazing. The CD (limited edition?) came with some Steroscopic lenses to view various pics in the booklet. The lenses make the pics larger and 3-D-ish. I dont have a scanner or I'd post them. I can save pics from the internet tho so you can see the CD below.

If you have it but havent bought it for fucks sake buy it. It is worth it and the artwork will blow you away. Plus there is some mystery surrounding a few of the pics. Great job overall guys. The music is inspiring and full of emotion. It is on a different level than Lateralus, but thats a good thing. I pity the fools (nickelback, linkinpark, disturbed and so on and so on) that put the same cd out over and over and over again.

well i was going....

2006-04-27T20:17:00.000-07:00

but thanks to pussy ass scalpers i cant go see TOOL when they come. Only if I want to pay 900 bucks, yes american dollars, to see em.

so to all of you scalpers: thanks alot, assholes. kiss my ass!!!!!

2006-04-27T19:42:00.000-07:00

So shine's a good deed in a weary world...

2006-04-20T07:39:00.000-07:00

Saw a show last night and wanted to make a quick comment.

Head Automatica cancelled (again, understandably but still disappointing)
Replaced by whack ass local band who sounded like whats pop on the radio now, you know the occasional scream, nothing interesting.
Coheed and Cambria were good but the 10 min instrumental at the end of their set was off the hook yo, dogg.
Avenged Sevenfold should change their name to Guns N' Roses the way they performed. Front man acting/sounding like axl rose. 3 guitarists attached at the hip every once in awhile. Had the lets-lean-against-eachother thing going. Then the lead guitarist doing some horrible-no-point solo during the show in his tall hat, wide stance reminiscent of Slash. All of their songs sounded the same, heres the format:
lots of noise, fast guitar, double bass drum, lots of inaudible screaming.
Strike 80's rock poses here and there, running. baah, rubbish.

Oh no she didnt!

2006-04-20T06:53:00.000-07:00

Just a quick entry about the song by Pink "stupid girl" where shes talking about all the other girls of pop. Isnt that like the pot calling the kettle black?

I remember when pink first came out with her R&B image. Shades, push up bra's, her various "boo's" in her videos. Kinda like what she's making fun of in her vids. Hmmm. I guess in looking cool you have to forget what you were before. She should be included in her song, because shes that "stupid girl", shes just pretending shes not. Supposedly with her old producer or whatever she was forced to do the r&b thing which if she hadnt she wouldnt be where she is today (in the pop sense). So stop the hating Fuchsia! And change the lyric from "I dont want to be a stupid girl" to "Im pretending Im not a stupid girl".

Finally!!

2006-04-18T07:49:00.000-07:00

TOOL has posted some pre-euro tour dates and they're coming near!!! I cant wait. Im def buying tix for this shit. Im so excited! Esp after hearing the new single just released, Vicarious. For anyone who cares heres the lyrics. Buy the goddamn album!!!

Vicarious

Eye on the TV 'cause tragedy thrills me
Whatever flavor it happens to be

Like another husband drowned by the ocean

Shunned by his own son he used to poison

In his dream (?), he kissed him goodbye

That's my kind of story

It's no fun until someone dies

Don't look at me like I am a monster

Frown out your one face, but with the other, Stare like a junkie into the TV

Stare like a zombie while the mother

Holds her child

Watches him die

Pleads to the sky, crying, "Why, oh, why?"

'Cause I need to watch things die (from a distance) Vicariously, I live while the whole world dies We all need it, too; don't lie

Why can't we just admit it?

Why can't we just admit it?

We won't give pause until the blood is flowin'

Neither the brave nor bold were writers, the stories sold

We won't give pause until the blood is flowin'

I need to watch things die (from a good, safe distance)

Vicariously, I live while the whole world dies

You all feel the same, so

Why can't we just admit it?

Blood like rain, come down

Drowned by grave and ground

Part vampire, part warrior, carnivore and voyeur

Still, heaven sends me to sing to the death rattle

La la la la la la lie

La la la la la la lie

La la la la la la lie

La la la la la la lie

Could you at least admit your desire to believe in

Angels in the hearts of men

Pull your hand on out your head, please, and give a listen

I shouldn't have to say it all again

The universe is hostile, so impersonal

Devour to survive ? so it is, so it's always been

We all feed on tragedy

It's like blood to a vampire

Vicariously, I live while the whole world dies

Much better you than I

immagracion

2006-04-06T21:53:00.000-07:00

Please go over and visit thetoon for some edumacation on the immigration issue and what the whole hooplah is about. this guy pretty much sums it up. I would like to add though that everyone has a problem with immigrants - mexican or otherwise-taking jobs away from american citizens. Shouldn't they be mad at the people employeeing/exploiting these people who are trying to send money to obviously needy families. Theres this movie called "A day without a mexican" I've never seen it, but i hear its a comedy about no mexicans left in america i suppose and everyone has to start doing their own shit. how ironic. more later...

Fuck thieves!

2006-04-01T15:55:00.000-08:00

....Eventhough Ive done my fair share of stealing.
Someone tried to get into my apartment yesterday. Had they succeeded they couldve easily cleaned us out given the apartment is by no means large. But I question what could've happened had they gotten in with my wife and young son being home at the time. Everyone says to buy a gun, but thats pretty crazy. Although I would hurt someone pretty severely if they come into my house unwelcome. Because its not just my safety but for that of my family. Know this. If anyone anytime messes with my family, them and their family will be next.

myspace.com

2006-03-29T17:19:00.000-08:00

ok..well i finally did it. something i never thought i would. i created a myspace account. it really isnt that user friendly, as this blog is. i did it, not to pick up "trannies", but to see what my friends are up to every once in a while. since i know of exactly one person who reads this thing: Sup xav!

anyway. going back to bitchin about how everyone has a better camera than i do. I decided to post some pics ive taken. theyre not the greatest but im running out of ideas. Plus Im working on another blog, soon to be announced, that has a totally different tone. well here they are, click on them to view em BIG:

Supposed Artwork for 10,000 Days

2006-03-21T06:03:00.000-08:00

10,000 Days

2006-03-16T09:28:00.000-08:00

The official and semi-official TOOL sites have posted the name of the new TOOL album with track listings.

Vicarious
Jambi
Wings For Marie (Pt 1)
10,000 Days (Wings Pt 2)
The Pot
Lipan Conjuring
Lost Keys (Blame Hofmann)
Rosetta Stoned
Intension
Right In Two
Viginti Tres

With the release date (May 2nd/6th?) drawing near I find myself scouring the net looking for clues, eager to gorge myself on any information I can find on the new album. Its been 5 longs years, filled with concerts, singles and DVD's to pacify the hungering. But still the wait has been arduous.
Coincidently, I discover I cannot read any reviews from 10,000 days as I want to listen to it for myself and make my own assessment.
No doubt it will be for me like Lateralus was: A year, at least, of nonstop play. No radio, no other CD but Lateralus. Why listen to anything else when each time you hear something new? At least that's how it was for me anyway.

In anticipation of the new album, like I've quoted so many times before:

"Wide eyed and hopeful.
Wide eyed and hopefully wild."
-mjk,TOOL

10,000 Days

I guess, like pre-lateralus, the announced titles could be false at which time I will scurry to correct but for now thats all we got!

2005-12-29T09:23:00.000-08:00

Jerk Off

No matter how much money his family has, I believe this guys always been a loser. Just one of those arrogant rich guys who thinks he's so much better than everyone else. No man of the people.
When his terms over, good riddance. The WORLD will be better off.

Happy Holidays

2005-12-28T05:50:00.000-08:00

merry xmas and all that jazz. Its been awhile since Ive written anything, but certain factors are responsible- no comment on that. Im also waiting to get internet at my house since I just moved. I dont miss internet that much, since Im not able to do what Id like. But I still miss downloading music and checking email and such. I havent even set up my laptop since moving, theres no room at the moment. Thats really all I have right now, more to come.

You know whats sad? Kevin Federlines new website will get 100 times more hits than my little blog will ever get. I mean neither of us do anything great, but I know for sure that I have more to say and to contribute to the world than 'K-Fed's whack ass bitchin, I mean rhymes. Hi Mr. Spears! Ooooo, you hate that dont ya?

I mean really...

2005-12-09T13:15:00.000-08:00

In keeping with the post below 'Faith in inanimate objects', I was bored and thought Hey, I'll just go to eBay and see what people are trying to make a profit from. The newest scam seems to be the 'Wheres jesus' game. This was the only one on the list, but I was glad to see the guy put such a description. I love how these ppl auction this stuff off and say things like, "Its someone elses turn". Yet youre selling the thing off! Instead of giving it to your neighbor or family, you want to see how much money you can get from it cos you know someone somewhere will buy it. A piece of toast...no, a burnt piece of toast. Nothing more, up to $1.25. You can buy a loaf of bread for that much and burn it all to look like the nativity scene and sell that instead...hmm, i gotta run to the store really quick. Below is the description for the burnt toast on eBay.

"Up for bid is what I believe to be a genuine religious revelation. We have all seen countless scams and imitations of revelations like this before. I myself have laughed at them, and until yesterday I doubted the sincerity of all of them. Now I can only wonder. What if the increasing frequency of these signs is no accident?

I made my daily two slices of toast. I was running late and rushing to get too much done and I burnt them both. Thinking my breakfast ruined, I deposited it in the trash and decided to stop at the bakery instead. This religious artifact would have been lost to the landfill if I had not, from the corner of my eye, glimpsed the face of the son of our lord Jesus Christ looking back at me from the bin.

I stopped in my tracks. How do I describe the moment of Revelation? The bakery was forgotten. The commute to work forgotten. It was a moment of clarity, and I was filled with a sense of peace and well-being. The sensation was almost electric, the hair on my neck was on end. In that one moment a lifetime of question and doubt was gone.

Look at the picture and ask yourself if it speaks to you on a deep and personal level. It CANNOT be mere accident, mere chance. It doesn’t merely resemble Jesus, it cannot be imagined or twisted into something that looks like a face. It IS clearly and undeniably the face of Christ. This is my sincere belief. Think upon the quote from the top of this listing, and reflect upon His use, once again, of BREAD as a symbol of His body.

This toast is exactly as it came out of the toaster. The toast and the photographs are completely un-retouched. The burnt areas were not scraped off or brushed away. The burn was caused by my GE toaster oven and the hand of a higher power.

Amid all the fakes and frauds and scams, this is your opportunity to possess real physical evidence of the existence of God. I no longer need the relic itself. I know it was not the actual toast that touched my heart but the spirit God from within it. I am passing that experience on to you. Bidding starts at $0.01."

Apple Cider Vinegar

2005-12-05T08:29:00.000-08:00

The guys at work had been talking about this miracle-fountain-of-youth-au-natural drink that supposed to detoxify your body, helping you lose weight and boosting your immune system at the same time. And its just like anything else that someone wants you to try: Name all the good things about it, and in small print at the bottom list ALL of the crap. Please allow me to explain.

First, you twist off the cap and immediately smell it; The oh so familiar stench of vinegar. Even if you've never smelled vinegar before, you'll know. It smells like what I would imagine a dead camel's ball sack would smell like if it layed under a blazing sun for a week and every once in a while other camels would come buy and piss on it.

Second, your shaky hand holds a spoon so as to take it straight (as I hear is the best and most efficient way to take it). As you pour it it dribbles down the side, more getting everywhere else than is actually getting on the spoon. Now the smell is stronger and almost unbearable. Your eyes fixated on the shaky spoon. The brown liquid spilling off the sides. IT kind of reminds of the Goonies when the kids are in the 'summer restaurant' with Momma Fratelli and ask for water. She proceeds to give them 4 glasses of an unidentifiable brown liquid.

Mouth: This is supposed to be water?
Momma: It's wet innit? Drink it!

Finally, you bring it to your mouth and say a prayer:

As it hits, you can feel your tongue scrambling to get out of your mouth.

Then it hits the back of your throat and burns like hell as it travels down to your stomach, who immediately tries to force it back up.

And thats just the first teaspoon.

The second goes relatively the same except 10 times as bad because you already know whats going to happen, except now your stomach really doesnt want it. I guess it wouldnt be as bad if you just put the teaspoonfuls in a cup and chugged. Ill have to try that next time. But its still going to taste like yak piss.

Oh and to the wise asses that say. Why not dillute it in water? Thats like chinese water torture instead of just getting beheaded.

But, I will stay the course as our president says. Both of us unsure of the outcome.

Apple Cider vinegar - Proof that everything that is good for you tastes like crap.

Peace

Blog Pics

2005-11-29T11:31:00.000-08:00

It has recently occurred to me that everyone in the world has a better digital camera than I do. I sometimes pass the time clicking on the 'next blog' button and come accross ppls blogs that have pics of various subjects, usually just of their vacation to the bahamas or lounging around at home. But the quality of their pics are very good. Now I can figure that some of these ppl might have been taking pictures for a long time, but some of them look awesome and only fuel my envy. My patience drops and I get more and more anxious to get a bad ass camera. Dont get me wrong. I was given my current camera by my sister and bro in law last xmas and was thrilled to have a digital camera finally, but I think I have somewhat outgrown it in a sense for the types of pictures I want to take. I want to evoke emotion in my pictures, similar to the ones you find in Time. I want them to make you get lost for a second, to analyze and appreciate them. As hard as I try to, no matter what I picture in my mind, I cant convey that into my pictures.
The camera Im 'saving up for' is a Konica Minolta blah blah blah its a kick ass camera and seems to be everything I am looking for. Higher megapixel then my 3.1, zoom lens, etc. Leaps and bounds over my current camera. One day.

Faith in inanimate objects

2005-11-25T08:40:00.000-08:00

Every so often, religious folks need to rejuvenize their faith. And so the hallucinations begin, often seeing images in the most unlikely places. Below are just a few examples.

jesus in a fishbone

jesus in the bathroom - the guy put this up for auction starting at $1,999. Amazingly he's gotten Zero bids.

truckin' jesus

virgin mary on a tree

jesus in a window - tilt your head and squint. if that doesnt work, congratulations youre sane!

xray jesus

Holy Roaster!

Eyes Open

2005-11-20T21:29:00.000-08:00

You read about it happening to other ppl, never really thinking it could happen to you. Then, one day, BOOM! Today, I was almost phished. It started out with an email from paypal. The subject said something like: "Email address added to your account!"
Thinking to myself that I havent added one to my paypal account, I opened the email and in the body it read that "you have added peter_beggs@yahoo.com as a new email address for your paypal account." Now I know somethings wrong. Then at the bottom of the email it states "If you did not authorize this change or if you need assistance with your account, please contact PayPal customer service at: "https://www.paypal.com/us/wf/f=ap_email"
Sneaky-fucking-bastard-assholes!
So I click on the link and it takes me to a login screen. Like a moron I login cos it looks like the paypal login (except there is no address bar..hmm). After logging in I am taken to a page where it says something along the lines of "We are conducting maintenance on our website and need to verify your account information." Then below it has empty fields next to "credit card number", "account number", "Bank PIN"(!!??) That immediately sent the sirens off inside b/c I remember reading that paypal would never ask for account information for verification. So, to shorten the story I followed the directions from the legit site (typed the URL in, no links) and forwarded the email to one of their email addresses. In no time they responded and said that, sure enough, the email was fake. I went in immediately and changed my security settings and passwords so the pieces of shit couldnt do any damage. Word to the wise, be vigilant.

A beam of light breaks through the clouds...

2005-11-14T09:14:00.000-08:00

On November 10th TOOL's website announced that the much anticipated DVD Schism single will be released in December sometime, not the 20th as was reported on other sites. I, for one, am glad that Blair made the distinction because there would have been a riot at music stores around the world on that day if it wasnt there. The DVD is said to have not only the awesomely crazy trademark TOOL video Schism, but also the wicked Parabol/Parabola vid as well from the genius Adam Jones. What a package! And for those of you crying about the Live DVD not yet released, a true TOOL fan must be patient, for the band makes available only what is done right and of the highest quality. I was in Albuquerque, NM the night Maynard announced that that show was being recorded for the upcoming DVD and havent been able to sleep since. Im gonna wait it out...and be patient.

2005-11-11T15:42:00.000-08:00

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron.
-Dwight Eisenhower 1953 speech-

Theres no love in fear

2005-11-11T05:28:00.000-08:00

Read this from netscape I mean really, heres a prime example of the hatred and hypocrisy in religion.

Pat Robertson Warns Pa. Town of Disaster?

Pat Robertson is threatening a town because school board members struck down intelligent design to be taught in schools. For those just born in the past 2 hours, intelligent design is the belief that the universe is so complex that it must have been created by a higher power. Huh?
Hey Pat you better hope there isnt a god because you'll surely burn in hell. I think youve done enough in your lifetime on behalf of god that is just shameful.

Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...

Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...

Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.

- John Lennon

Ignorance Kills

2005-11-11T05:22:00.000-08:00

Christians are sneaky. Not to put anything past them, they do think of everything. For example, the responses to questions or everyday situations. Observe:

"Why am I alive"

C: Because god is good.

"Why is this person dead"

C: Because god has a plan.

Then everything else is about the bible, for example:

What about the dinosaurs?

C:Ridiculous. No where in the bible does it speak of Dinosaurs.

They couldnt of worked it in there somewhere and blamed the devil? You know why they arent in the bible? Because no one was looking for them back when the bible was made. Then it got to the point where they couldnt fit it in anywhere, so deny it. If god made everything else, couldnt he have made dinosaurs? Then raises the question then if everything was created by one person. Deny the existing and believe in the fabled? Im not saying no one can have their own beliefs but I can hold a fossil in my hand.

Also, for these people only what appears in the bible is true and real. So what about cars? I dont think cars (automobile machines) are listed anywhere in the bible, yet priests roll around in their gold plated cadillacs. Gold plated! Think im lying? When I used to go to church our priest had a gold watch and a cadillac with gold trim. Glad I never tithed. You have people scraping by on food stamps going to church and donating, thinking something has to come out of it, then at the end of service they walk to the bus stop and the priest clicks on his little remote to start his car so that by the time he gets in its aleady warmed up and toasty inside.
I had a friend, bless his heart, ask me if I really believed in dinosaurs! I was pretty much in shock to the point of laughing, then said "Of course I do, they find fossils everyday!" But he could not grasp, because it wasnt written in the bible.
I cant believe simply because I thrive for knowledge. I dont want to be limited in my thinking because if I do I cannot learn. And if youre not learning, youre dead. Maybe thats the meaning of life. To learn as much as you can and put it to good use, let others benefit.
Does being an athiest make me a bad person? I dont think so. I am a compassionate human being. I care for everyone, except the ignorant. See, ignorance isnt portrayed through color, race or gender. Ignorance is hating someone based on these, not really knowing or wanting to know the person. Only reading the cover then moving on to the next aisle of books. I can dislike someone because they are hating on a particular race because its wrong.
Also, you do not own anyone else. You are not anyones king. So why do you insist on thinking for others?
"Gays can not marry one another because its not right, its not in the bible! The bible says that marriage is between a man and a woman!"
What do you care? Its not your life. Theyre not knocking on your door every morning announcing their sexuality. Even if you recognize someone as a homosexual, so what? Do you think they hate straight people? Maybe just the straight people who hate on them.
An eye for an eye, isnt that how it goes? I have gay friends and family and am fine with it, doesnt bother me in the least.
Its time to wake up everyone, embrace reality, Ignorance Kills.

NBA Dress Code Racially Motivated?

2005-10-20T11:33:00.000-07:00

On October 17th, the NBA released a dress code policy effective with the start of the regular season. Stephen Jackson of the Indiana Pacers states the move is racially motivated because the new rule about jewelry targets young black males claiming chains are associated with hip-hop culture. Boston Celtics' Paul Pierce adds, ``When I saw the part about chains, hip hop and throwback jerseys, I think that's part of our culture...The NBA is young black males.''
But I'm not sure where anywhere on the Code it states NO HIP HOP CLOTHES ALLOWED! From what I've read, it states "business casual attire" meaning slacks or khakis, button down shirt or sweater and dress shoes. So, no jerseys from another team, no sunglasses indoors (I mean really whats the point in that anyway?). It also means no cutoff shirts or shorts for anybody. Even if you arent "black" or "HipHop" you still cant wear it. And even though african americans make up "95%" of the NBA, there are other people that wear jewelry, jerseys etc.
Of course the NBA is not going to blatently come out and say "We just dont want black people to wear hip hop attire!" But they are not singling anyone out by any means. Im "rock" and I'd love to wear a cut off shirt, torn jeans with no shoes to work, but I can't. I work for a company who has a business casual dress policy. I am representing them when I am at work and I believe they could care less how I dress on the weekends or holiday. Is it fun dressing in khakis with dress shoes everyday? Not to me, and Im making pocket change when it comes to the millionaires this is affecting. So what if you cant wear your stuff? Unless you live on the court, this shouldnt matter to you. Just be glad youre one of the most talented people in the WORLD, playing a sport you've loved your whole life. Are you really not going to play anymore because youre an unprofessional Professional. Suck it up. As hard as you look with those ten pound spinning gold chains, why cry when something does not go your way?
So, instead of playing the race card look at it from the broad perspective that it is affecting the whole. Ignorance and selfishness isnt going to make this go away. It is only making it worse. Why would you want to work in a "racist" organization anyway?

must..write..something...

2005-10-19T11:41:00.000-07:00

nothing new on this end, guess ill just post some of my stuff...enjoy

Most of what is written below are songs that Ive done with my brother Jared, some are going to be.

Remnants of a skeleton
Youre bleeding from the head again
Pulling us under
Like a brick falls through water
Post atomic revolution
The bomb’s been dropped
Where are you running?
Its time to pay
For others mistakes
Or rather for the sake of being right
A million dying in a single night
No need for reasoning
There will be no need for discussion
After all is said and done
And who will be the one laughing then?
Remnants of a skeleton
Reduced to what’s not been taken yet
A shadow left scrawled
On a horizontal wall
Reaching for a child’s hand
Whose ashes disappear in the wind
Like a brick falls through water
You’re pulling us under
Bleeding from the head again
Remnants of a skeleton
----------------------------

Self doubt is setting in
Halting evolution
Taking my heart away
Blinding my soul
Feels like im living a joke
To want to live a dream
But watch it slip away
All because I have no confidence
I wish it was instilled in me when I was younger
Cause now it haunts me
No wait it holds me back
I just wish I could be better
I sometimes wish I was someone else
----------------------------

Providence

Some are here for reasons many of us
Just cant understand, sometimes its better
Just to carry on
Let things slide, walk away
Save your energy, and strengthen your soul
Ride the wave
Until it breaks shore and never question why
Yours hit first
Theres no supreme being at work
No divine intervention
Even stars are destined to fall
Theres something more look inside your self
----------------------------
Once Bitten

Questions left unanswered slowly take their toll
Why am I to believe in something so empty and so cold
I took the time to understand, and give the benefit of the doubt
Only to feel the knife pierce my back the moment I turn around
Im tired of feeling guilty, want to push this pain away
Or let someone else taste the blood, trickling down your blade

What is wrong with the world, when youre expected to conform
Instead of living the way you want, interpreted as unpure
You cant require everyone to think the same as you
Cause ignorance is bliss, but that only applies to fools

It seems to me heaven has some cleaning to do
Before it welcomes you
------------------------
Comatose

This place is rotting from the inside out
The toxic stench is growing worse
And choking with nowhere to run
I must stand and fight, if only on deaf ears
It feels like everyone is asleep
In some sort of deep coma totally aware
And uneager to wake up
So why am I to help you
If you cant even help yourself
Comatose
I feel I’m all alone
In this place and in my thoughts
Still struggling to find a way out
At this moment I am spent
Feels like I cant go on
It feels like I just fell into
Some sort of deep coma totally aware
And uneager to wake up
So how am I to help you
If I cant even help myself
Im comatose
Leave them to wither and die
Just like they left me

Free The Music

2005-08-02T11:15:00.000-07:00

I finally brought my laptop back up to functionality after about a month of downtime. From one moment to the next it just decided to go to the blue screen of death, and it never recovered. Anyway i was surfing online with my wife and she was telling me about Fiona Apple's latest album. How her record company (and this info is all derived from the net) was not going to release the album due to the lack of radio friendly songs. So forget about the fans, who would buy the album regardless, right?. Lets concentrate on appealing to people who wouldnt appreciate her real music. Can the suits not see the potential? This is not her first album. Theyre going to make more than she will regardless if it does well or not. What about the other artists out there whose first album bombs and then they end up oweing the suits? Fuck marketing. Fuck appeal. A records going to sell if the music is quality. Its not their fault people cant understand good music. Now im not the biggest Fiona fan. I like a few of her songs. I do, however, respect her individuality and the emotion in her music, what ever the content. Fight the hell out of the label, TOOL fought their label, and they put out whatever they want. And you know what? It sells. No marketing, maybe a single here and there to feed the frenzy, but never a compromise. Ill buy the album no matter what. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Tool can shit in a paper bag and I'd buy it! So, for crying out loud Free the music. Let the music sell itself.

peace

Lateralus Vinyl

2005-08-01T20:20:00.000-07:00

To whomever cares:
TOOL is finally releasing their album 'Lateralus' on vinyl on the 23rd of August. They had some presales today on their homepage but it slipped through my fingers. I will definitely be in line on the 23rd though to expand my collection. Its all us hardcore fans can do until their next masterpiece comes out. So go grab a few copies of the Lat vinyl, just leave one for me.

peace

School Sucks

2005-08-01T19:17:00.000-07:00

It has been awhile since I have written, but I've hardly had the time. My computer had been down for a good month and reinstalling everything is just a pain in the ass, even for a computer tech. Its not fun, or glamorous, or interesting for that matter but whats a lazy person who doesnt like school going to do. The two-year degree thing seemed cool. Note to everyone out there: If it seems too good to be true, then it is,run away fast. Even if theyre dangling a worthy gadget in front of you; in my case a laptop. The teachers were very knowledgeable, but I dont believe any teacher, great or otherwise, can teach a technical course in the time they were given. Even if they could, think of the percentage that could consume that much info and really know it not just memorize.To give you an example most 'phases' (equivilant to semesters in some cases) would last about a week, then move on to the next thing. Fast paced, you betcha. Clear? Not necessarily. And it still cost me a pretty penny. A penny with interest. A penny I'm still paying. For someone who hates school as much as I did Im finding myself wanting to go back to school for something else, something more. Maybe someday....

Music is the beacon...

2005-06-29T13:11:00.000-07:00

Music means alot to me. I am the self proclaimed hardest person to impress when it comes to music. If youre played on the radio, I automatically put you on the "bands not to be taken seriously" list. Most of what is played on the radio is blatant crap. Something to make a quick buck off of, while underestimating the intelligence of the listeners. Think I'm full of it? How many bands out there do you hear that put out the same song over and over and over? They make one song thats a hit and feel the only way to replicate that success is to clone it. While I would love to name these bands I feel it unnecessary to. Its not like theyre going to listen to little old me, or their fans for that matter, all they're worried about is the almighty dollar. Im not saying that some bands shouldnt make money, because this is their 9 to 5, but for crying out loud - if you cant be successful any other way than compromising your art then you dont deserve to make money. Im counting the days until I can be up on stage singing songs that connect with people because they feel the emotion in the music, not because Im trying to cater to their tastes or what I think affects them.

Cascades of color slip right through your hands
Sandcastles from the past turn back into sand
If I get swept away with no helping hand
Music is the beacon back to dry land...
- The ananda project

Peace

Customer Service

2005-06-28T07:46:00.000-07:00

Today's entry is to just let everybody know that you are all pains in the ass. All of you, even me. Even when you are trying to be polite to your waiter or to the guy on the phone, you are pissing them off. Customer service has got to be the worst job ever, because no matter what happens or who screws up, the waiter, etc., takes the brunt of the abuse from you all. All the while throwing ourselves at your feet and trying to uphold a smile at the same time. Its not my fault your burgers overcooked to hockey puck status, or that your cable had been inadvertently cut off. I didn't start off my day with a checklist of people I wanted to screw with. I'm not laughing at you when you say things like "Can I have everything on my salad on the side, I don't like them touching.' When common sense would tell you that they're all going to the same place no matter what order you consume them! Are you serious?!? I'm not thanking my lucky stars when I get yelled at because someone, somewhere did something that I have no control over. Then have to settle for either a crappy tip or crappy pay. I know that emotions run high and you need to vent, but carry a pillow along with you and yell into that....or create a blog :)

As with other blogs...

2005-06-27T09:05:00.000-07:00

..This one is generalized. Not really fixated on one topic. Depending on what mood I'm in will drive what's being reflected in your eyes.

For starters allow me to explain the title, 'The End Is Near', taken from a line from Tool's 'Aenema' album. Even though I am a fan of anything and everything Tool, that's got to be one of my favorite songs. If you don't know the band or the song, go to their site or buy all of their albums and open your mind, Warning: There is no turning back.

As for the name, 'fearinnumbers.blogspot.com', I write poetry/lyrics/rants as often as my brain allows and one of them is titled 'Fear in Numbers'. Maybe one of these days I will build up the guts to post some of my stuff, all copyrighted of course.

I will add more as the days pass, be patient....